1- I am currently studying Law at college, it is the first stage of my quallifying to be a Solicitor practicing family law.

2- When I left high school I went on to train as a steel welder.

3- I am a big fan of history, paticulaly the first and second world wars.

4- Up until having my daughter I was going to join the British army as  a Royal Military Police Officer.

5- I worked for McDonalds from 17 – 19

6 – My favourate colour as a child was purple, its nnow blue.

7- I dont like the yellow yolk in boiled eggs but i like it in fried eggs and scrambled eggs.

Well thats me done and it took me absolutly ages so i hope everyone appreciates it lol.

Ever tried not to get involved?

I failed!!!!!

A lot of this mess is my own fault, i got too caught up with all the problems on sim and in group that my temper was on edge . The little things were making me freak out and when i did it was the closest to me that got the thick of it all.

I’ve argued and thrown a fit with 3 people who i never EVER wanted to upset. But only 1 of them was nice enough to sit down and talk to me about why i was different from normal, why i was freaking out at tiny, immaterial things. The other 2 just had a go and i never heard from them since

So what do I do now? approch them for them to tell me to F%£k off? Leave it and hope they realize i never ment to upset them? I have no clue. Just gotta hope for a solution i guess

As I sit in such a beautiful place I think!

I listen to beautiful music and wonder!

When something can be so beautiful how can I be hiding from something so ugly!

Then I cried :’( I cried because i was hurting, hurt by those i thought were ment to care about me.

Then I cried myself to sleep, but then i woke up to see the sun was shining =O. So i got up and went to have may hair cut. ( i know you are asking wtf has that got to do with anything) well let me tell you.

I was the start of the NEW me. No more will i be walked over, No more will I take the shit and NO MORE will i be so nieve to think that those people care!

I now look and feel GREAT ! so my message to all those who i refer to:

Thanks for helping me realise, Thanks for helping feel this great and if you have any more shit to throw………. BRING……..IT…….ON!!!!! xD

What do you see when you look at this picture? A loving caring family? well look again. Look at the spaces between the people, they were not intentional when the picture was made but now i see its real. I see the gaps in our family.

Did you ever play piggy in the middle as a child? For those who didnt let me explain:

A group of people throw a ball to each other and there is one person in the middle who has to try and catch the ball, the “piggy”. If somebody throws the ball and it is caught by the piggy then the piggy and the person that threw it change places and so on and so on until children get bored and stop playing and then the game ends.

Why the hell am i explaining how to play a child’s game? I hear you thinking…..

Well my family and the group are playing this game now, only its not a ball that’s been thrown around its crap, bitches, gripes, whinges, pointless problems and general upset. Then there is the “piggy” there are a select few of the family / group that is playing the piggy but speaking for myself I am one of the piggies. I’m not trying to catch the ball to trade places or to be one of those that throw it but i do try and catch it, i want to take the ball and throw it away and never see it again.

I want all the family to be happy and laughing like we used to do. When jokes ended in everyone laughing and not someone being upset.

We are coming to the end of the game now, people want to go home and quit, i want to carry on until i catch that ball but even then i am forced to trade places and carry on throwing. When will i be allowed to burst that ball?

Those that you Love have an ability to make you happyest;
Those that you Love have an ability to make you saddest;
Those that you Love have an ability to make you laugh;
Those that you Love have an ability to make you cry.

For those who read this that know who i’m talking about and what trouble i refer to, if you have it in your powers please make it stop. Please let me catch the ball!
I cant play much longer, my strengh is failing, my will is failing and my enthusiasm is failing.
The more and more i type, the worse i feel but i know i have to say it somewhere or i will burst. I dont want you to feel guilty or bad now i want you to feel a desire to help a desire to push this group forward and lets make a new picture. A picture closer together before its too late and people are no longer on the picture.